// Pirate Adventure - Open The Box // Theme: High seas treasure hunting, but the treasure is always boxes character captain name: Blackbeard the Unboxable role: Pirate Captain character mate name: Linu role: First Mate state doubloons: 30 boxesFound: 0 crewMorale: 50 hasMap: false betrayed: false beat Intro The salty wind hits your face as you stand on the deck of The Corrugated Corsair. #intro-wind captain: Arrr! Welcome aboard, ye scurvy landlubber! #captain-welcome captain: I be Blackbeard the Unboxable! They call me that because no box can contain me! #captain-name mate: They call him that because he can't figure out how to open boxes, Captain. #mate-truth captain: LINU! What have I told ye about telling the truth?! #captain-truth mate: That it's "mutiny with extra steps," Captain. #mate-mutiny choice Ask about the mission #opt-mission -> MissionBrief Ask why the ship is made of cardboard #opt-cardboard -> CardboardShip Attempt to leave immediately #opt-leave -> CantLeave beat CardboardShip captain: The Corrugated Corsair is made from the finest triple-wall cardboard! #captain-corsair captain: She's waterproof! Mostly. Don't touch the starboard side. Or breathe on it. #captain-waterproof mate: We've lost three deckhands to structural dampness this week. #mate-dampness captain: They knew the risks when they signed up for a cardboard pirate ship. #captain-risks -> MissionBrief beat CantLeave You turn toward the gangplank. It's gone. It was also made of cardboard. A seagull ate it. #leave-gangplank captain: Ha! No one leaves Blackbeard's crew! Mostly because the exit dissolved! #captain-noleave mate: We really should switch to wood, Captain. #mate-wood captain: NEVER! Cardboard or death! #captain-death -> MissionBrief beat MissionBrief captain: We be searching for the legendary Treasure Box of the Seven Seas! #captain-treasure captain: A box so valuable, it contains ALL other boxes! The mother of all boxes! #captain-mother mate: Supposedly. The map was found inside a box, so its reliability is questionable. #mate-map captain: Every map is found inside SOMETHING, Linu! That's how maps work! #captain-maps hasMap = true The captain unfurls a map. It's just a drawing of a box with an X on it. #mission-unfurl choice Follow the map as-is #opt-follow -> FollowMap Suggest the map might be upside down #opt-upside -> UpsideDown Question whether a box drawing constitutes a map #opt-question -> QuestionMap beat QuestionMap captain: Of course it's a map! It has an X! #captain-x mate: Captain, you drew the X yourself. Five minutes ago. In crayon. #mate-crayon captain: It was TACTICAL crayon, Linu! #captain-crayon mate: There's no such thing as tactical crayon. #mate-tactical captain: There is now! I just invented it! Innovation, Linu! #captain-innovation crewMorale -= 10 -> FollowMap beat UpsideDown You rotate the map 180 degrees. It looks exactly the same because it's just a square. #upside-rotate captain: By Davy Jones' Box Collection! The map was upside down the whole time! #captain-jones mate: Captain, it's a square. It looks the same from every angle. #mate-square captain: That's what makes it such a CLEVER map! #captain-clever crewMorale += 10 -> FollowMap beat FollowMap The Corrugated Corsair sets sail across the Cardboard Sea. #follow-sail After two days of sailing, you spot something on the horizon. #follow-horizon mate: Captain! Land ho! Or... box ho? It appears to be a floating box. #mate-landho captain: A floating box in the ocean? That's either our treasure or our lunch. #captain-floating captain: The crew has been eating boxes for days. We're running low on provisions. #captain-provisions mate: We're running low on ship, too. Someone ate part of the hull. #mate-hull choice Sail toward the floating box #opt-sail-toward -> FloatingBox Fire a cannon at it first #opt-cannon if doubloons > 10 doubloons -= 10 -> FireCannon Send Linu to investigate in a rowboat #opt-send-linu -> LinuInvestigates beat FireCannon captain: FIRE THE CARDBOARD CANNONS! #captain-fire The cannon makes a "pffft" sound and launches a cardboard ball approximately twelve feet. #cannon-pffft It lands in the water with a soft, disappointing splash. #cannon-splash mate: Effective range: twelve feet. Effective damage: emotional. #mate-range captain: The enemy doesn't know our cannons are useless! That's our advantage! #captain-advantage -> FloatingBox beat LinuInvestigates Linu rows out to the box in a tiny boat made of -- you guessed it -- cardboard. #linu-rows mate: It's a crate, Captain! Marked "Property of the Seven Seas Box Co." #linu-crate mate: Also, my boat is dissolving. Permission to hurry? #linu-dissolving captain: Permission granted! Save the box first, though! #captain-savebox mate: Before me?! #linu-before captain: Priorities, Linu! #captain-priorities boxesFound += 1 -> FloatingBox beat FloatingBox You pull alongside the mysterious floating box. It's enormous. Waterlogged but intact. #floating-pull captain: This be it! The Treasure Box of the Seven Seas! #captain-thisbe mate: How can you tell? #linu-how captain: It says "Treasure Box of the Seven Seas" on the side. #captain-says mate: Oh. That IS convenient. #linu-convenient boxesFound += 1 choice Open the treasure box immediately #opt-open-treasure -> OpenTreasure Check for traps first #opt-check-traps -> CheckTraps Claim the box without opening it -- it's worth more sealed #opt-sealed -> SealedBox beat CheckTraps You examine the box carefully. There's a small warning label. #traps-examine The label reads: "WARNING: Contents may contain more boxes. And also a kraken." #traps-label mate: A kraken? In a box? #linu-kraken captain: That's how they ship 'em these days. Free-range krakens are expensive. #captain-kraken crewMorale -= 10 -> OpenTreasure beat SealedBox captain: Brilliant! A sealed box is worth ten opened ones! That's pirate economics! #captain-economics mate: That's not how economics works. #linu-economics captain: What are ye, a pirate or an accountant? #captain-accountant mate: Currently? An accountant. Someone has to manage our negative doubloon balance. #linu-accountant You secure the sealed box in the cargo hold. It rattles suspiciously. #sealed-rattles -> RivalPirates beat OpenTreasure You pry open the massive treasure box. Inside, there are... #open-pry captain: MORE BOXES! #captain-moreboxes Indeed. Hundreds of smaller boxes, stacked neatly. Each labeled with a different sea. #open-hundreds mate: "Adriatic Box." "Caribbean Box." "That Puddle Behind Gary's House Box." #linu-labels captain: Seven seas, hundreds of boxes. The math checks out. Pirate math, anyway. #captain-math boxesFound += 3 choice Open all the smaller boxes #opt-open-all -> OpenAllBoxes Take them back to port to sell #opt-sell doubloons += 50 -> RivalPirates Build a raft out of the boxes since the ship is sinking #opt-raft if crewMorale < 40 -> BoxRaft beat OpenAllBoxes You spend the next four hours opening boxes. Your hands are covered in cardboard cuts. #openall-hours Each box contains a smaller box. It's boxes all the way down. #openall-alltheway captain: We're rich! Rich in BOXES! #captain-rich mate: We can't spend boxes, Captain. #linu-spend captain: Not with THAT attitude! #captain-attitude At the very bottom of the last box, you find a single gold doubloon and a note. #openall-note The note reads: "IOU - One Treasure. Sorry, the kraken needed it." #openall-iou doubloons += 1 -> RivalPirates beat BoxRaft The ship is taking on water. Specifically, it's becoming water, because it's cardboard. #raft-water mate: Captain, the ship is dissolving! #linu-ship captain: Then we BUILD! From the treasure boxes! A new ship! A BOX SHIP! #captain-build mate: As opposed to our current box ship? #linu-current captain: A BETTER box ship! With LAMINATION! #captain-lamination You construct a surprisingly seaworthy raft from the treasure boxes. #raft-construct crewMorale += 20 -> RivalPirates beat RivalPirates A ship appears on the horizon. A WOODEN ship. How luxurious. #rival-appears captain: Rival pirates! It's Captain Unboxinator and his crew! #captain-rival mate: They have real cannons, Captain. And a ship that doesn't dissolve. #linu-real captain: Details! #captain-details The rival ship pulls alongside. Their captain, a large woman with a crowbar for a hand, grins. #rival-pulls She shouts across the water: "Hand over your boxes, Blackbeard!" #rival-shouts choice Fight the rival pirates #opt-fight -> SeaBattle Negotiate a trade #opt-negotiate if doubloons > 20 doubloons -= 20 -> Negotiate Challenge them to a box-opening race #opt-race -> BoxRace beat SeaBattle captain: Battle stations! Load the cardboard cannons! #captain-stations mate: Captain, they're laughing at us. #linu-laughing captain: Good! Laughter is the enemy of focus! While they laugh, we... throw boxes at them! #captain-throw You hurl boxes at the rival ship. One hits their captain in the face. #battle-hurl She's momentarily stunned. Not by the impact -- by the audacity. #battle-stunned boxesFound += 1 crewMorale += 20 -> TwistEnding beat Negotiate captain: Perhaps we can reach a... box-ness arrangement? #captain-arrangement The rival captain narrows her eyes. She considers. #negotiate-considers She responds: "Half your boxes. And that weird map you drew in crayon." #rival-half captain: You can have the boxes. But the crayon map is MY intellectual property! #captain-ip mate: Let it go, Captain. #linu-letitgo boxesFound -= 1 -> TwistEnding beat BoxRace captain: A box-opening race! First crew to open fifty boxes wins! #captain-race The rival captain agrees. She's confident. Her crew has real tools. #race-agrees But your crew has DESPERATION. And cardboard cuts have made your fingers incredibly nimble. #race-desperation The race begins. Boxes fly open left and right. Cardboard confetti fills the air. #race-begins You win by a single box. The last box contains a rubber duck. Nobody knows why. #race-duck boxesFound += 5 crewMorale += 30 -> TwistEnding beat TwistEnding As the rival pirates retreat (or celebrate, depending on the outcome), Linu pulls you aside. #twist-aside mate: Look at the bottom of the treasure box, Captain. There's a hidden compartment. #linu-hidden You open the hidden compartment. Inside: a single, perfect, golden box. #twist-golden captain: The REAL Treasure Box of the Seven Seas! #captain-realbox mate: What's inside it? #linu-inside captain: Linu, I've been a pirate for thirty years. I've opened ten thousand boxes. #captain-thirty captain: And I've learned one thing: it's never about what's inside the box. #captain-lesson choice Open the golden box anyway #opt-open-golden -> FinalReveal Keep it sealed forever #opt-keep-sealed -> KeepSealed beat FinalReveal You open the golden box. Inside, there's a mirror. #reveal-mirror You see your own reflection staring back at you. #reveal-reflection captain: The real treasure... was us? #captain-us mate: No, Captain. It's literally just a mirror. Someone put a mirror in a box. #linu-mirror captain: A METAPHORICAL mirror, Linu! #captain-metaphor mate: It's a regular mirror. I can see the price tag. It cost three doubloons. #linu-pricetag captain: The cheapest treasures are the most priceless! #captain-priceless mate: That's... not even slightly true. #linu-nottrue -> Ending beat KeepSealed captain: This box shall remain sealed! For all eternity! Or until someone gets curious! #captain-sealed mate: So... about five minutes, then? #linu-fiveminutes captain: Probably less. I'm already curious. #captain-curious captain: But a good pirate knows that some boxes are better left unopened. #captain-good captain: And I am a terrible pirate. So I'll open it Tuesday. #captain-tuesday -> Ending beat Ending The sun sets over the Cardboard Sea. Your adventure draws to a close. #ending-sunset captain: We found boxes! We opened boxes! We ARE boxes! #captain-summary mate: We're not boxes, Captain. #linu-notboxes captain: Speak for yourself, Linu. I've always identified as a shipping container. #captain-container mate: Boxes found today: $boxesFound. Ship structural integrity: questionable. #linu-log mate: Doubloons remaining: $doubloons. Captain's sanity: also questionable. #linu-sanity captain: Set course for the next adventure, Linu! There are always more boxes on the horizon! #captain-next mate: The horizon is sinking, Captain. Along with our ship. #linu-sinking captain: Then we'll sink WITH STYLE! #captain-style -> .