// Contemporary Adventure - Open The Box // Theme: Corporate office meets mysterious box absurdity character sandrea name: Sandrea role: Office Worker character samuel name: Samuel role: IT Guy state emails: 0 boxPower: 0 hrInvolved: false unionFormed: false beat Intro Monday morning. Fluorescent lights. The faint smell of burned coffee and crushed dreams. #intro-monday You arrive at Boxington & Associates Ltd. (Motto: \"Thinking Outside The Box Since Never\"). #intro-arrive sandrea: Hey, have you seen the break room? Something... appeared over the weekend. #sandrea-seen sandrea: And by \"something,\" I mean a box. And by \"appeared,\" I mean nobody will claim responsibility. #sandrea-appeared choice Go check the break room #opt-check -> BreakRoom Check your email first #opt-email emails += 1 -> CheckEmail Pretend you didn't hear anything #opt-pretend -> Pretend beat CheckEmail You open your inbox. 47 unread emails. 46 of them are about the box. #email-open Subject lines include: \"RE: RE: RE: FW: THE BOX\", \"Box Situation Update 17\", and \"Please stop replying all about the box.\" #email-subjects The last email is from HR: \"Mandatory Box Awareness Training - Tuesday 2pm. Attendance is not optional.\" #email-hr emails += 46 hrInvolved = true sandrea: HR sent a training about the box. It hasn't even been 24 hours. #sandrea-hr sandrea: That's a new record. Usually it takes them two weeks to acknowledge anything exists. #sandrea-record -> BreakRoom beat Pretend You put on your headphones and stare at a spreadsheet. #pretend-headphones The spreadsheet stares back. One cell reads \"THE BOX KNOWS.\" #pretend-cell You did not type that. #pretend-didnt sandrea: You can't ignore it. Kevin tried. He's been transferred to the Box Department. #sandrea-kevin sandrea: We don't have a Box Department. Or we didn't. Until today. #sandrea-department -> BreakRoom beat BreakRoom You enter the break room. There it is. A plain cardboard box, sitting on the counter next to the microwave. #breakroom-enter It's perfectly ordinary, except for the fact that it's humming. And glowing faintly. And someone put googly eyes on it. #breakroom-humming sandrea: The googly eyes were Dave from accounting. He thought it would make it less menacing. #sandrea-dave sandrea: It did not make it less menacing. #sandrea-menacing samuel: Hey, IT here. I've been asked to \"scan\" the box. With what, I have no idea. #samuel-scan samuel: My job description says \"computer stuff.\" This is not computer stuff. #samuel-job choice Help Samuel scan the box #opt-help-scan -> ScanBox Try to open the box #opt-try-open -> TryOpen Ask the box what it wants #opt-ask-box boxPower += 10 -> AskBox beat ScanBox Samuel holds up his phone's flashlight to the box. #scan-phone samuel: Scan complete. Results: it's a box. #samuel-results samuel: You know, I have a computer science degree. Two, actually. And here I am, scanning a box with a phone flashlight. #samuel-degree sandrea: Did you try turning the box off and on again? #sandrea-turnitoff samuel: That's not-- you know what, let me try. #samuel-try He picks up the box, turns it upside down, and puts it back. The humming gets louder. #scan-upside samuel: I've made it angry. Great. Another thing that's angry at IT. #samuel-angry boxPower += 5 -> BoxEscalation beat TryOpen You reach for the box's flaps. #open-reach sandrea: Wait! What if it's someone's lunch? #sandrea-lunch sandrea: Remember the Great Tupperware Incident of 2019? Karen still hasn't forgiven us. #sandrea-karen You hesitate, then open it anyway. Inside the box, there's... another box. #open-another Inside that box: a Post-it note that reads \"Nice try. - The Box\" #open-postit boxPower += 10 -> BoxEscalation beat AskBox You lean toward the box and whisper: \"What do you want?\" #ask-whisper The box hums at a slightly different frequency. Your phone autocorrects a text to \"BOX IS LIFE.\" #ask-phone sandrea: Did the box just hack your phone? #sandrea-hack samuel: Boxes don't hack phones! #samuel-hack samuel: ... Do they? I didn't study box-hacking in college. I'm starting to think my education had gaps. #samuel-gaps The break room lights flicker. The microwave turns on by itself and heats nothing for exactly thirty seconds. #ask-flicker -> BoxEscalation beat BoxEscalation An email arrives. From the box. It has its own email address: box@boxington-associates.com. #escalation-email emails += 1 The email reads: \"Dear colleagues, I would like to schedule a meeting to discuss my role in the organization. Please bring snacks. Preferably cardboard-based.\" #escalation-meeting sandrea: The box wants a meeting. #sandrea-meeting samuel: The box has better email etiquette than half the sales team. #samuel-etiquette choice Schedule the meeting #opt-schedule -> BoxMeeting Forward the email to HR #opt-forward-hr hrInvolved = true emails += 5 -> HRResponse Reply all with \"Please remove me from this thread\" #opt-reply-all emails += 200 -> ReplyAllChaos Offer to sponsor the box's corporate integration personally|||Your financial resources might open some doors here... #opt-vip if hasResource("Gold", 30) -> VIPFastTrack beat VIPFastTrack markSecretBranch("contemporary_vip") You reply to the box's email with a generous corporate sponsorship offer. The box hums approvingly. #vip-offer sandrea: You're... buying the box a corner office? With a window? #sandrea-corner samuel: I've been here three years and I sit next to the printer. The LOUD printer. #samuel-printer The box's hum shifts to a contented purr. An email arrives: \"Counter-offer accepted. I will also require a company card and a parking spot.\" #vip-counter sandrea: The box negotiated better than our entire sales department. In one email. #sandrea-negotiated samuel: Can the box negotiate MY salary next? #samuel-salary boxPower += 25 unionFormed = true -> BoxMeeting beat ReplyAllChaos You hit Reply All. The office erupts. #reply-chaos 47 people reply all with \"Please stop replying all.\" Each reply triggers more replies. #reply-trigger emails += 200 samuel: The email server is at 98% capacity. All from box-related reply-alls. #samuel-server sandrea: Dave from accounting replied with a GIF of a box. It's 47 megabytes. #sandrea-gif sandrea: The email server has crashed. The box's email still works though. Somehow. #sandrea-crashed The box sends one final email: \"I rest my case. You need me.\" #reply-rest boxPower += 20 -> BoxUnion beat HRResponse HR responds within minutes. A new record. Their email is seventeen paragraphs long. #hr-response Key excerpts: \"Per company policy section 7.4.2, unidentified boxes must complete onboarding.\" #hr-onboarding And: \"Please ensure the box has filled out Form B-0X (yes, really) and attended the safety briefing.\" #hr-form sandrea: HR wants to onboard the box. They want to give it an employee badge. #sandrea-badge samuel: I've been here three years and still don't have an employee badge. #samuel-badge samuel: But sure. Give it to the box. The sentient, humming, email-sending box. #samuel-sentient -> BoxMeeting beat BoxMeeting The meeting room fills up. Everyone is there. The box sits in a chair. Someone gave it a name tag: \"THE BOX - Role: TBD.\" #meeting-room boxPower += 10 sandrea: So... the box has prepared a presentation. #sandrea-presentation The projector turns on. Slide 1: \"Why This Office Needs Me: A 47-Slide Deck by THE BOX.\" #meeting-slide samuel: It has better slides than my last quarterly review. #samuel-slides Slide 7 shows a pie chart. 100% of the pie is labeled \"BOX.\" #meeting-pie Slide 23 is just the word \"OPEN\" in 72-point font, pulsing. #meeting-open Slide 47: \"In conclusion: open me. Or don't. I'll still be here Monday.\" #meeting-conclusion choice Vote to make the box a full employee #opt-employee unionFormed = true -> BoxEmployee Vote to put the box in storage #opt-storage -> BoxStorage Open the box during the meeting #opt-open-meeting -> OpenDuringMeeting beat BoxStorage You vote to put the box in storage. The box's hum drops to a lower frequency. It sounds... hurt. #storage-vote samuel: I think we hurt the box's feelings. #samuel-hurt sandrea: Does the box have feelings? #sandrea-feelings The lights flicker. Every computer in the office displays \"I HAVE FEELINGS\" in Comic Sans. #storage-feelings boxPower += 30 sandrea: Apparently yes. And it has opinions about fonts. #sandrea-fonts The box returns to the break room on its own. Nobody sees it move. It's just... there again. #storage-returns -> BoxUnion beat OpenDuringMeeting You stand up and open the box mid-presentation. Gasp from the audience. #open-gasp Inside the box: a smaller box. Inside that: a USB drive. #open-usb samuel: A USB drive? Now we're in MY territory! #samuel-usb He plugs it in. The screen displays: \"Company Performance Could Be 340% Better If You Opened More Boxes - A Study by THE BOX.\" #open-study samuel: The data is... actually compelling? The methodology is sound? #samuel-data sandrea: We're being out-performed by a box. On a Monday. #sandrea-outperformed boxPower += 15 -> BoxUnion beat BoxEmployee The box is officially hired. Employee BOX-001. #employee-hired It gets a desk, a computer it doesn't use, and a parking spot it definitely doesn't need. #employee-desk sandrea: The box got a parking spot before I did. I've been on the waitlist for two years. #sandrea-parking samuel: The box's employee portal says its skills are \"containing things\" and \"being opened.\" #samuel-skills samuel: That's more than my resume had when I started here. #samuel-resume boxPower += 20 -> BoxUnion beat BoxUnion Weeks pass. The box has gained a following. Other boxes have appeared. #union-weeks The supply closet, the printer paper boxes, the shipping containers -- they're all... organizing. #union-organizing sandrea: The boxes are forming a union. #sandrea-union samuel: Can boxes unionize? Is that legal? #samuel-legal unionFormed = true A memo slides under the door. It reads: \"The United Box Workers of Boxington & Associates demand: 1) Better storage conditions. 2) No more being thrown away on Fridays. 3) One seat on the board of directors.\" #union-memo emails += 30 choice Support the box union #opt-support -> SupportUnion Oppose the box union #opt-oppose -> OpposeUnion Negotiate with the box union #opt-negotiate -> NegotiateUnion beat SupportUnion You sign the box union's petition. It's the first petition you've ever signed that was also a box. #support-petition sandrea: You know what? Good for the boxes. They work hard. They carry things. #sandrea-goodfor samuel: The IT department has fourteen boxes. They do more work than the interns. #samuel-fourteen The CEO, who no one has ever seen, sends an email: \"I've always been a box. Surprise.\" #support-ceo boxPower += 50 -> Ending beat OpposeUnion You take a stand against the box union. Bold move. #oppose-stand The boxes respond by collectively refusing to be opened. Every package, every delivery, every Amazon order -- sealed shut. #oppose-sealed sandrea: My online shopping! No! #sandrea-shopping samuel: The server backup tapes are in boxes. We can't access anything. #samuel-tapes The office grinds to a halt. You can't fight organized cardboard. #oppose-halt boxPower += 30 You quietly un-oppose the box union. #oppose-retract -> Ending beat NegotiateUnion You sit across from the original box. It's wearing a tiny tie now. Where did it get a tie? #negotiate-tie sandrea: The box wants dental. #sandrea-dental samuel: Boxes don't have teeth. #samuel-teeth sandrea: The box says, and I quote, \"not yet.\" #sandrea-notyet After three hours of negotiation, you reach a compromise: boxes get better shelf space, and employees stop using them as makeshift chairs. #negotiate-compromise boxPower += 20 -> Ending beat Ending You lean back in your office chair. It's Friday. The box is still humming in the break room. #ending-friday sandrea: So... same thing next Monday? #sandrea-monday samuel: Probably. I'm updating my resume, though. Under \"Skills,\" I'm adding \"box diplomacy.\" #samuel-resume-end sandrea: You know, I used to think this job was boring. #sandrea-boring sandrea: Then a box showed up, sent better emails than my manager, formed a union, and possibly became CEO. #sandrea-recap sandrea: Mondays, am I right? #sandrea-mondays if unionFormed The box hums contentedly. The office will never be the same. But maybe that's okay. #ending-content The break room microwave displays \"THANK YOU\" in its timer. Nobody questions it anymore. #ending-microwave samuel: Box power level at end of week: $boxPower. Emails generated: $emails. Sanity remaining: undefined. #samuel-final sandrea: See you Monday. Bring the box a coffee. It likes decaf. Don't ask how we know. #sandrea-final -> .