// Medieval Adventure - Open The Box // Theme: A kingdom where everything is suspiciously box-shaped character knight name: Sir Boxalot role: Knight of the Square Table character wizard name: Malkith role: Dark Wizard of the Cubic Order state honor: 50 boxesOpened: 0 savedPrincess: false dragonFriendly: false beat Intro You stand before Castle Cardboard, its square towers rising into the overcast sky. #intro-castle Everything here is box-shaped. The drawbridge is a flattened box. The moat is a long, wet box. #intro-everything knight: Halt! Who goes there? I am Sir Boxalot, Knight of the Square Table! #knight-halt knight: State your business, or I shall smite thee with my box-shaped sword! #knight-smite You notice his sword is, indeed, a rectangular prism. Not very sharp. #intro-sword choice Declare yourself a hero #opt-hero honor += 10 -> HeroIntro Declare yourself a box inspector #opt-inspector -> InspectorIntro Ask why everything is box-shaped #opt-why -> WhyBoxes beat WhyBoxes knight: Why is everything box-shaped? Why is the SKY blue? Why do birds sing? #knight-why knight: Some questions have no answers. Others have box-shaped answers. #knight-answers knight: The real question is: can you open the Box of Destiny? #knight-destiny You feel like this is the kind of game that asks you rhetorical questions and then gives you exactly one path forward. #why-meta -> HeroIntro beat HeroIntro knight: A hero! Wonderful! We haven't had one of those since Sir Unboxington fell into the Box Pit. #knight-hero knight: The kingdom is in peril! The dark wizard Malkith has captured Princess Rectangula! #knight-peril knight: She's being held in the Tall Tower, which is basically just a really tall box. #knight-tower choice Vow to rescue the princess #opt-rescue honor += 10 -> QuestBegins Ask what the princess looks like #opt-princess-look -> PrincessDescription Suggest they just tip the tower over #opt-tip -> TipTower beat InspectorIntro knight: A box inspector?! By the Square Gods, we've been expecting you! #knight-inspector knight: The kingdom's boxes have been malfunctioning. Some open from the wrong side. #knight-malfunction knight: One box started opening OTHER boxes. It was chaos. Beautiful, beautiful chaos. #knight-chaos honor += 5 -> QuestBegins beat PrincessDescription knight: The princess? She's... well... she's a box. #knight-princess knight: A very PRETTY box. With a tiara taped to the top. #knight-pretty knight: Don't judge. Love is love, and boxes are boxes. #knight-love You decide not to question the romantic standards of this kingdom. #princess-standards -> QuestBegins beat TipTower knight: Tip the-- that's the most brilliant and idiotic thing I've ever heard! #knight-tip knight: We can't tip the tower. It's load-bearing. The entire castle is just boxes stacked on boxes. #knight-loadbearing knight: Tip one and the whole kingdom collapses like a house of... boxes. #knight-collapse -> QuestBegins beat QuestBegins You set off toward the Tall Tower with Sir Boxalot. #quest-setoff The path leads through the Forest of Flat-Pack, where the trees are unassembled boxes with confusing instructions. #quest-forest knight: Stay close. These woods are full of bandits and IKEA references. #knight-ikea A rustling sound comes from behind a bush-shaped box. #quest-rustling choice Draw your weapon #opt-draw -> Ambush Hide inside a nearby box #opt-hide -> HideInBox Yell \"I know you're there!\" #opt-yell -> YellAtBush beat HideInBox You climb inside a conveniently person-sized box and close the flaps above you. #hide-climb knight: Brilliant strategy! If you can't see the enemy, the enemy can't see you! #knight-strategy knight: That's not how that works but I admire the commitment. #knight-commitment From inside the box, you hear the bandit trip over a root and knock himself out. #hide-bandit boxesOpened += 1 You emerge victorious, technically. #hide-victory -> DragonApproach beat Ambush A bandit leaps out! He's wearing a box as armor. It's not very effective. #ambush-leap knight: Have at thee, villain! #knight-haveatthee Sir Boxalot swings his box-sword. It makes a cardboard \"thwap\" sound. #ambush-thwap The bandit looks confused, then disappointed, then falls over out of politeness. #ambush-falls boxesOpened += 1 -> DragonApproach beat YellAtBush You yell into the forest. Your voice echoes off the box-trees. #yell-echo A small rabbit hops out. It's wearing a tiny box as a shell. A box turtle, if you will. #yell-rabbit knight: False alarm. Just a box bunny. They're everywhere this time of year. #knight-bunny knight: Breeding season. They multiply like... well, like boxes in this game. #knight-breeding -> DragonApproach beat DragonApproach You reach the Tall Tower. A dragon circles overhead. #dragon-tower knight: That's Scorchtangle, the Box Dragon! He hoards boxes instead of gold! #knight-dragon The dragon lands before you. He's... also somewhat box-shaped. You're sensing a pattern. #dragon-lands knight: His weakness is that he can't resist opening boxes. It's like catnip for dragons. #knight-weakness choice Offer the dragon a box to open #opt-offer-box dragonFriendly = true -> DragonFriendly Fight the dragon #opt-fight-dragon -> DragonFight Try to sneak past while the dragon is distracted #opt-sneak -> SneakPast Flash your most dazzling smile at the dragon|||Something about your magnetic personality might work here... #opt-charm if hasStat("Charisma", 10) -> DragonCharmer beat DragonCharmer markSecretBranch("medieval_dragon_charmer") You step forward, lock eyes with Scorchtangle, and deliver the most radiant smile in the kingdom's history. #charm-smile The dragon blinks. Then blushes. Can dragons blush? This one can. His scales turn a gentle pink. #charm-blush knight: By the Square Gods... the dragon is SWOONING. I've never seen a box-dragon swoon before. #knight-swoon Scorchtangle rolls over like a puppy and presents his belly, which is covered in tiny box-shaped scales. #charm-belly knight: You've charmed a dragon with nothing but raw charisma. That's either very brave or very weird. #knight-brave dragonFriendly = true -> DragonFriendly beat DragonFight You charge at Scorchtangle with your definitely-not-adequate weapon. #fight-charge The dragon yawns and a small flame singes your eyebrows. #fight-singe knight: Perhaps a more... diplomatic approach? #knight-diplomatic knight: I once saw a hero try to fight him. He got boxed. Literally. Put in a box. #knight-boxed The dragon looks at you expectantly, as if waiting for you to do something smarter. #fight-expectant -> DragonFriendly beat SneakPast You tiptoe past the dragon. Your sneaking skills are impeccable. #sneak-tiptoe Unfortunately, you step on a bubble wrap moat. The popping is deafening. #sneak-bubble The dragon looks at you with what can only be described as secondhand embarrassment. #sneak-embarrassment knight: Bubble wrap. The natural enemy of stealth. #knight-bubble -> DragonFriendly beat DragonFriendly You pull out a beautifully wrapped box from your inventory. #friendly-box You don't remember putting it there, but this is a game, so inventory logic doesn't apply. #friendly-inventory The dragon's eyes widen. He opens the box with surprisingly delicate claws. #friendly-opens Inside: a smaller box. The dragon is DELIGHTED. #friendly-smaller boxesOpened += 1 He opens the smaller box. Inside: an even smaller box. He's in heaven. #friendly-heaven The dragon steps aside, too busy with his recursive box gift to guard anything. #friendly-aside choice Enter the tower #opt-enter-tower -> TowerClimb Pet the dragon first #opt-pet-dragon dragonFriendly = true The dragon purrs. It sounds like cardboard being rubbed together. #pet-purr -> TowerClimb beat TowerClimb You climb the tower stairs. Each step is a small box. It's like climbing a staircase of shoeboxes. #climb-stairs At the top, you find Malkith standing before a large ornate box. #climb-malkith wizard: Ah, the hero arrives! You're late. I've been monologuing to myself for twenty minutes. #wizard-late wizard: Behold! The Box of Destiny! Within it lies Princess Rectangula! #wizard-behold wizard: And with her, the power to fold reality itself into a BOX! #wizard-power choice Challenge Malkith to a duel #opt-duel -> WizardDuel Ask Malkith why he wants box-folding power #opt-ask-why -> WizardMotivation Just open the Box of Destiny while he's talking #opt-just-open if boxesOpened > 0 -> JustOpenIt beat WizardMotivation wizard: Why? WHY?! Have you seen this kingdom? Everything is already a box! #wizard-whykingdom wizard: But they're DISORGANIZED boxes! Boxes within boxes with no structure! #wizard-disorganized wizard: I want to SORT them. By size. By color. By emotional significance. #wizard-sort wizard: I'm not evil. I'm a box organizer. The kingdom just doesn't appreciate good filing. #wizard-filing knight: That... actually sounds reasonable? #knight-reasonable wizard: THANK you. #wizard-thanks choice Help Malkith organize the boxes #opt-help-organize -> HelpMalkith Insist on freeing the princess first #opt-free-first -> WizardDuel beat HelpMalkith You spend the next three hours sorting boxes with Malkith. #help-sorting wizard: Small boxes go LEFT. Medium boxes go RIGHT. Large boxes go in the LARGE BOX. #wizard-instructions knight: This is surprisingly therapeutic. #knight-therapeutic wizard: Right? I keep telling people. Box organization is self-care. #wizard-selfcare savedPrincess = true boxesOpened += 1 Malkith releases Princess Rectangula as a thank you. She is, in fact, a box with a tiara. #help-princess She's lovely. #help-lovely -> Ending beat WizardDuel wizard: A duel? Fine! I choose... BOX MAGIC! #wizard-duel Malkith shoots a beam of cubic energy at you. You dodge. Barely. #duel-dodge knight: Hit him with the thing! The box thing! #knight-boxthing You're not sure what \"the box thing\" is, but you grab the nearest box and throw it. #duel-throw It hits Malkith square in the face. Square. Because it's a box. #duel-square wizard: Ow! That was my favorite face! #wizard-ow boxesOpened += 1 Malkith stumbles back into the Box of Destiny, accidentally opening it. #duel-stumble Princess Rectangula tumbles out. She kicks Malkith with her box-corner. It looks painful. #duel-kick savedPrincess = true -> Ending beat JustOpenIt While Malkith is mid-monologue, you casually walk up and open the Box of Destiny. #just-walk wizard: --and furthermore, the cubic nature of-- wait, what are you doing? #wizard-wait wizard: You can't just OPEN it! I had a whole speech prepared! #wizard-speech wizard: There were DRAMATIC PAUSES! A CALLBACK to act one! #wizard-pauses Princess Rectangula tumbles out and bonks Malkith on the head. #just-bonk savedPrincess = true boxesOpened += 1 knight: That was incredibly anticlimactic. I loved it. #knight-anticlimactic -> Ending beat Ending if savedPrincess The kingdom celebrates! Princess Rectangula is safe! #ending-celebrate knight: You've saved the kingdom! The Square Table shall sing of your deeds! #knight-saved knight: Well, they'll sing in monotone. Everything here is a bit... flat. #knight-flat else The kingdom is mildly concerned but ultimately fine. Boxes don't hold grudges. Usually. #ending-fine if dragonFriendly Scorchtangle the dragon joins the celebration, bringing his collection of nested boxes as party favors. #ending-dragon knight: Until next time, hero. There are always more boxes to open. #knight-nexttime knight: And more fourth walls to break. Yes, I know this is a game. I've always known. #knight-fourthwall knight: The real box was the friends we made along the way. #knight-realbox knight: Actually, no. The real box is a box. That's the whole point. #knight-point -> .